i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize