we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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