I just cut my nipple shaving
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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