4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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