I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
