their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
