When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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