i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
