I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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