I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
