pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
