my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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