somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
