i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
