Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
