i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The power of my boobs compel you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
