It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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