i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
