Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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