just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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