For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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