I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
