why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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