someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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