WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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