I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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