I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
