At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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