Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
