there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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