I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
