This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
did i just pee glitter
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
