please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
