Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
