Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
