Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
