I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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