Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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