You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
