Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
