i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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