Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
