My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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