Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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