Too much gin, very little bucket
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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