The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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