I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
