Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
