i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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