I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
