Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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