I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
