Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
