If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
