This house was built for laser tag.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
