Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So drunk its hurt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
